Summer came and went. When September arrived I was feeling down and negative. I had not made any great physical progress and the only healthy lifestyle change I had really made was keeping a regular walking routine with Chris. Well – sort of – when I was in town. Carrie had landed a new job in early August and I left with her to help her search for a new place, pack her up and move her. After that we had scheduled a week vacation during Tim’s time off. Throughout that time my health consciousness also went on vacation.
Noting that a day or two of rest did not pull me out of my frump or give me the motivation to start anew, I decided to dedicate a week to some much needed reflection. I went about my usual business while making sure to allow two or three hours each day for meditation and reflection. Luckily I already had an appointment scheduled with my Spiritual Director, which mixed nicely with the process.
I don’t know about you, but if you are like me when you get in this space the little negative mind gremlins take over and it was hard for me to see the positive side of anything I was trying to create in my life. I didn’t have the energy to care about my diet and I didn’t understand why. So, I sat across from my Spiritual Director and confessed my frustration. When I finished she simply sat back and said. “Peggy, when are you going to deal with your grief?” It’s hard to explain my reaction – sort of a mix of relief (the tears came immediately) but I also had a desire to stand up and slug her for so easily being able to name what I had been unable to see for myself.
Today I will just call it the ‘Grace’ that comes with a long time Spiritual Direction relationship. Once I accepted her statement I was flooded with insight. Yes, I should be use to my kids coming and goings by now, but the truth was, it was hitting me harder this year. And – as I was denying my grief – I was stuffing my feelings with food. I knew that I had a pattern of using food to comfort me when life felt hard. However this felt like a new discovery. The recognition of my behavior in that moment gave me a new awareness of how I am often unconscious of what I am doing and the importance of keeping open to help as I continue my progress toward optimal health.
If you’re ever in this kind of space – I highly recommend that you reach out. Doing so for me was a tremendous gift of self discovery that freed me to move forward on my path The week of reflection and the insight I received from my Spiritual Director worked revive and uplifted my Spirit. I had a fresh outlook on the summer and discovered that I had indeed created some excellent inner changes. The process for inner change can feel very slow. However these these slow changes are building the lasting results I am looking for!