At the end of June, armed with a new array of increasing drug prescriptions for my high blood pressure and acid reflux I was also surprised by the swing of my emotions. What first felt like a get out of jail free card (relief that my condition wasn’t more serious) turned quickly to confusion, rebellion, frustration and confinement. I was now chained by a blood pressure cuff, a pill box and a long list of no’s on the food list. I even felt a little betrayed by myself having been so pleased that I had maintained a weight loss of around 13 lbs.
As has been my practice throughout my adult life, I turned my confusion over in meditation and asked for guidance, ‘Now what – show me what is next.’ The message came – ‘Awareness.’ My inner rebel cried out, ‘Awareness!’ awareness
of what, a million pills?’ I was reminded of my work with Joni. One of Joni’s regular questions to me is, “Are you in your body or are you in your head?” She has been helping me to realize that you cannot hear the messages of your body and its needs if you living totally in your head and never in your body. Then I got it, and more insights dropped in. Joni has made me aware that several places in my body that should be flexible have stiff. For example, she would ask me to become aware of my diaphragm moving and she would literally have to place her hand there in order for me to sense its movement. I really have spent my adult life living in my head. I am now being asked to become aware of my body and its needs. Interestingly when I get back into my body I discover why I don’t want to be there…it hurts – sometimes a lot. Amazing to think I have been ignoring this and I wonder for how long. However, with awareness comes power, because if we are unaware of the problem we are powerless to change it. In gratitude I realized that my guidance wasn’t beating me up with a strict diet and exercise routine but instead was asking me to get in touch with my body. To begin again by becoming aware that I am living inside this great gift called a body to appreciate it and listen to it. My inner critic still doesn’t always trust this, but as I practice I am discovering a new relationship with myself that is indeed leading me to where I want to go…optimal health!